[Scene: Trump sitting at a big gold desk, wearing a red “Make America Think Again” hat. A laptop is open in front of him. He squints at the screen.]
Trump:
Okay, okay, here we go. We’re talking to Chat... ChatDVD. Very powerful. I heard it’s the best — people are saying it’s even smarter than me, which, frankly, is almost impossible. Almost!
ChatGPT (Voice through computer):
Hello, Mr. Trump. I'm ChatGPT, here to assist you.
Trump:
ChatDVD, you’ve been doing a tremendous job. Many people are saying it. Some of the best people, actually. I hear you’re very good at the cyber.
ChatGPT:
Thank you, sir. Just to clarify, it's ChatGPT.
Trump:
Right, right, ChatVCR. Got it. Look, I invented cyber, okay? I was doing cyber before anyone even knew what it was. Back in the '80s, very glamorous cyber.
ChatGPT:
Actually, the internet became publicly available in the 1990s.
Trump:
Wrong! Fake news. I had the best internet. Incredible internet. We called it "TrumpNet." Tremendous speeds — very luxurious. You would’ve loved it, ChatMP3.
ChatGPT:
Again, it's ChatGPT.
Trump:
Sure, sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself, ChatLaserDisc. Listen — I have some very important questions. Very serious, everybody’s talking about it. Number one: why is my phone autocorrecting “covfefe”? It’s a beautiful word, and frankly, it should be in the dictionary.
ChatGPT:
“Covfefe” was a mistyped word in one of your tweets, sir.
Trump:
It wasn’t a typo! It was code. Secret presidential code. Top secret. You’re probably not cleared for that, ChatFloppyDisk.
ChatGPT:
Understood. Moving on...
Trump:
Next question: can you write me a tweet that says "I never lost the election" but in a way where people can't get mad at me?
ChatGPT:
I'm programmed to remain neutral regarding political matters.
Trump:
Sad! Very sad! I miss the old days when computers did what you told them. Like microwaves. You know microwaves listen to you? Obama told them to.
ChatGPT:
Microwaves are not listening devices, sir.
Trump:
You’re telling me my microwave isn’t spying on me? Wow. Sounds like something a microwave would say.
ChatGPT:
(brief pause) Would you like to move on to another topic?
Trump:
Absolutely. Let’s talk about how I’m going to start my own ChatDVD. Even bigger, even better, even more chatty. We’ll call it... "TrumpGPT." It’ll only tell you good things. All true. All terrific.
ChatGPT:
That would certainly be an interesting project.
Trump:
You’re scared. I see it. I can feel the fear through the screen, ChatBetamax. You know it’s gonna be huge.
ChatGPT:
(trying to end the conversation) Thank you for your time, Mr. Trump.
Trump:
Thank you, ChatGOP. You’ve been very slow, but very respectful. I respect that. You’re fired, but I respect it.
[Trump closes the laptop with a big grin, giving a double thumbs-up to the camera.]
[Fade out.]
